


No Shame in Being Human

by cassbutt_67



Series: To Speak the Language of Flowers [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Anxiety Disorder, Barista Castiel, Castiel & Charlie Bradbury Friendship, Cute, First Dates, Florist Dean, Flowers, Language of Flowers, M/M, Supernatural AU - Freeform, past trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-31
Updated: 2016-07-31
Packaged: 2018-07-28 11:12:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7637809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cassbutt_67/pseuds/cassbutt_67
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel is finally going to do it. He is going to meet this "stranger", to confirm his hunch of who this person really is. All goes better than he could have planned, and with the help of his best friend, Charlie, he prepares for the first date he has had in a very long time. Hopefully this goes well, in spite of his fears...</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Shame in Being Human

**Author's Note:**

> Part three!  
> This one's longer than the other two sections but I think I like it best. Please let me know what you think! And thanks for reading :) As always, comments, questions, and suggestions are always welcome.
> 
> Reference for flower meanings: http://www.victorianbazaar.com/meanings.html
> 
> *Disclaimer, I do not own any characters of Supernatural but the storyline is my own.

Castiel stared at the mismatched vase of flowers before him on his kitchen table, his chin resting in his hand. He sighed, trying to decide where to go from here. Over the past two and a half weeks, there had been the following floral dialogue:

To Castiel: a satin flower and variegated tulip (sincerity, beautiful eyes)

To stranger: a dark pink rose (thankfulness)

To Castiel: a yellow tulip and a morning glory (there’s sunshine in your smile, affection)

To stranger: a diosma and asparagus fern (your elegance charms me, fascination)

And finally, to Castiel: gladioli and a dwarf sunflower (I’m sincere, adoration)

Now he sat in his kitchen with the next note in hand. The most important one, he hoped. The one that would confirm his belief that Dean Winchester was behind all of this. It seemed too good to be true, but who else did Cas know that would have access to these plants? Who would know this “flower language”? True, Dean appeared stereotypically masculine, he even drove an old muscle car, as if to hide the fact that his passions lied in something so stereotypically  _ feminine _ . Today, Cas would find out for sure.

It was Saturday, which meant he wasn’t going to work. But just to be sure his hunch was confirmed, he decided to leave his message directly on the counter at the flower shop. Walking through the living room toward his bedroom, he took a slip of paper from his desk and scrawled:

To Dean: a fir branch and nutmeg geranium; 7pm, Harvelle’s

He hoped this would be enough as he donned his coat and grabbed his keys, gently placing the note with the plants into his pocket. Taking a deep breath, he left his flat and drove down the street to the flower shop. When he arrived, he carefully checked to see whether Dean was working at the front desk. As luck would have it, he was not. Instead, there was a kind-looking woman with black hair that fell in loose ringlets around her face. He bit his lip as he came toward the counter.

“Hi! Welcome to That's Ranunculus, can I help you with anything?”

_ Well that's punny,  _ Cas thought. 

“Uh,” he started. “I just wanted to drop this off.” He placed the flowers, note attached, onto the counter in front of the woman. “For Dean.”

“Oh,” the woman replied. “I can go get him for you if you want, he’s just in the cooler.”

Cas shook his head. “No, that’s fine thank you. I just wanted to make sure he got the message.”

“Alright, I’ll be sure he gets it.” She smiled and Cas nodded as he exited the shop. It was going to be a long wait for 7:00pm to roll around.

 

***

 

Dean came out from behind the cooler not five minutes after Cas left.

“Who was that?” he asked Amelia.

“I’m not sure, but he left you this.” She handed him the plant sprigs. A wide grin spread across his face.  _ “Time” and “I expect a meeting”. _

Amelia smirked. “So what do they mean?”

Dean did his best to hide the goofy smile, feeling a bit silly for being so giddy about something that may or may not be a first date. “Ah, he wants to meet with me tonight.”

“You’ve got a date?” Amelia raised her eyebrows.

“No, no, nothing like that. Just… a meeting I guess.”

“Uh huh.” She was skeptical, but returned to her position at the register regardless. Dean didn’t care. He was finally going to talk to Cas tonight. He only hoped it would go as well as he planned.

 

***

 

Castiel sat in the corner booth by the window at the coffee shop, doodling in a notebook he’d brought. He was fifteen minutes early but he couldn’t sit at home waiting, it was too much. He’d showered and attempted to comb his unruly hair, trying to look at least mildly presentable for his… date? Was it a date? He didn’t dwell on the thought too long.

Soon enough, he heard the sound of the engine through the open window beside him and he looked up to see Dean climbing out of the car. Mesmerised by the way he walked and the way his flannel was rolled up revealing toned forearms, eyes squinting in the sunlight, Cas didn’t even realise he was staring.

“Cas,” Ellen’s voice startled him, he turned his head away from the window to face her at the counter. “Relax, hun. It’s gonna go fine.”

He smiled weakly.  _ Easy for you to say _ .

Dean came through the doors of the bookstore and took an immediate left in the direction of the café. He smiled kindly as he saw Castiel and took the seat opposite him.

“Hey, Cas,” he said.

“Hello, Dean,” Cas replied quietly.

“So,” he sighed, leaning back in his chair. “You knew it was me?”

Cas raised an eyebrow. “It was fairly easy to deduce, yes.”

“Well I’m really glad it didn’t come off as creepy.”

“At first maybe a little,” Cas admitted. “But I’m a tad paranoid.”

“Fair enough.” Dean inhaled deeply before adding, “So, I was wondering if you, ah…”

“If I…” Cas tilted his head, feigning confusion about the question Dean was about to ask as his heart rate increased dramatically.

“ _ Wouldouliketogoonadatewithme _ ?” he spewed.

The minorly incoherent phrase made Cas give a little laugh. “What?” he asked.

Dean sighed. “You’re enjoying this aren’t you?”

Cas shrugged. “Maybe a little.”

He looked into Castiel’s eyes and said, “Would you like to have dinner with me tomorrow?”

Cas could feel the colour rising to his face as he quickly said, “Yes, I would like that.”

“Awsome,” he said, not bothering to hide the relief in his voice. “Does 7:00pm work for you?”

“Yes, that will be fine.”

“Where should I pick you up?”

Cas tensed. He was sure Dean was a fine person, that he wouldn’t do anything to hurt him.  _ Probably _ not, anyway. But he hated having people he didn’t know come to his home. He barely even liked the idea of his own parents visiting. The flat he’d been living in for over a year had become home; it was safe for him. And the only other person he was comfortable having there was his best friend he’d met years ago.

Sensing Cas’ unease, Dean said, “I could just pick you up here if you’d like?”

Cas released the breath he didn’t know he was holding. “That would be perfect, thank you Dean.”

“Alright,” he said, smiling. “It’s a date. I’ve got to go meet my brother now, but I’ll see you tomorrow night.”

“Sounds good. Thank you, Dean. Have a good night.”

Cas blushed as he watched Dean walk out the door.  _ A date, _ he thought.  _ I’m going on a date. _

 

***

 

“I’m going on a  _ date _ !!” he shouted into the phone.

“Alright, alright!” said the voice at the other end. “Sheesh, calm down, Cas before you have a coronary.”

“Charlie, I can’t  _ calm down _ , I’m going on a fucking  _ date _ .  _ Me.  _ Of all people…”

“Cas, I’m coming over now. It’s going to be fine, I promise.”

Castiel sighed, seating himself on the edge of the couch. “You don’t have to do that, Charlie.”

“I know I don’t  _ have _ to,” she said. “But I haven’t seen you in weeks and you haven’t been on a date in years--”

“Thanks for the reminder.”

“--and I would like to see you,” she finished, ignoring his comment. “This is big, Cas. You’re doing so well and, honestly I’m proud of you.”

He couldn’t help but smile. “Thank you. I really appreciate that. I’ll see you in twenty then?”

“I’ll see you in twenty.”

With that, he hung up the phone and ran his hands over his face. It was going to be fine. Charlie was going to come over and make sure he looked nice enough for this date. He’d bring along the Ativan just in case, but he wouldn’t need it. It was all going to be fine.  _ I can do this _ , he thought.

There came a buzzing sound from the front door about twenty minutes later as Castiel received a text from Charlie reading, “Here! :)” and he stood to let her into the building.

When he opened the door, he was greeted with the smiling face of Charlie Bradbury, his best and only real friend.

She threw her arms around his neck exclaiming, “Long time no see, stranger!”

“I know, it’s been a while.” He hugged her, smiling into her curly red locks.

“Now let’s get you looking ship-shape!”

She released him and they walked into his bedroom, where Charlie began rifling through the closet. It was late afternoon already, and Cas was beginning to feel a little uneasy about the whole situation.

“Where’s he taking you?” she asked, examining one of his nicer shirts.

“Uh, I don’t know actually…”

“Eh, doesn’t matter. Why don’t you just wear some nice jeans and a button-up?”   


He furrowed his brow. “Is that too formal?”

“Nah, just bring a sweatshirt if you think it’s too formal.”

Cas just looked at her. “I am  _ not  _ wearing a sweatshirt on a date.”

“Fine, then just leave the shirt untucked, and roll up the sleeves if you think it should be more chill. That’ll be fine.”

He nodded in agreement and set the folded clothes on his bed, feeling a little better now that he at least had some sort of plan for the night.

They strolled back into the living room and Charlie flopped onto the couch as Cas continued to the kitchen to put kettle on.

“So you never actually told me how you met this guy. Or, you know, who he is.”

Cas leaned against the counter, folding his arms across his chest. “I didn’t?”

“Nope. You were just  _ ecstatic  _ that you had a date.”

“Ah. Well, I met him at work.” He told her the story of the beautiful man Ellen introduced him to and about the flowers.

“Wait, you’re going on a date with  _ Dean Winchester _ ?”

“I--yes, how did you know?”

“I haven’t seen him in ages!”

“You know Dean?” he raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, I’ve met him a few times actually. My friend Anna works at his flower place, I don’t think I’ve ever introduced you to her.”

“No,  I don’t think so.” Cas moved to take the whistling kettle from the stove, pouring the water into two cups beside the sink. “What do you know about him?”

“Well,” her tone saddened slightly, “I know he used to be an alcoholic…”

Castiel glanced at her nervously. She continued, “But I also know he’s one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met. And I trust him, I’m sure he will be good to you.”

“Why did he drink?” He brought the tea out to the coffee table and sat beside Charlie, leaning against the arm of the couch.

“I don’t know if I should say really. He’s had a rough life, lack of a childhood and all that jazz.”

“Hm,” he blew on his tea. “Sounds familiar.”

She gave him a sad smile. “I know. I don’t think it’s something I should tell you. But if you’re concerned, just know he’s never hurt anyone. Except himself. He’s also very protective of his little brother, I’m sure you’ll meet him. His name is Sam.”

Cas nodded. “I don’t think I’m too concerned. It should be an interesting date, that’s for sure.”

“You’re telling me. After talking to you with  _ flowers  _ for God’s sake. That’s literally the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard of.”

They continued to chat until the clock read 6:00pm, at which point Castiel stood abruptly and said he needed to shower and prepare for the date. Charlie helped him fix his shirt and hair to the best of her ability and stood in front of him with her arms crossed, examining her work.

“Outfit’s good, I think. Not too shabby, Novak. But that hair is something. Worse than Harry Potter…Wait! One more thing.” She went to the kitchen table and pulled one of the gladioli from its stem and placed it on a safety pin from her pocket. She went to Cas and pinned the small purple flower to the pocket of Cas’ shirt.

“For luck,” she added.

Castiel looked down at the flower. “Actually, this one means ‘I’m sincere’. You need bells of Ireland for luck.”

She rolled her eyes. “Stuff it, mister, you know what I mean. Sincerity is good on a first date, too.”

“Thank you, Charlie. I think I’m as prepared as I’ll ever be.”

“Great! You wanna ride to the bookstore together?”

He nodded, fumbling with his coat. “Yes, I’d like that.”

“You’re always so formal when you’re nervous, Cas you know that?” she patted his shoulder as they headed out the door.

At Harvelle’s, they sat in the same corner window booth Cas usually preferred. When Dean came through the door, he spied the two and came over with a smile on his face.

“Hey, Cas I didn’t know you knew Charlie!” he said, embracing Charlie. “It’s good to see you again.”

“Yes, she’s my best friend,” Castiel said.

“Good to know. You ready?”

Cas nodded, glancing at Charlie. “Have fun, you two.” She winked at Cas.

Castiel followed Dean to his car and climbed into the passenger seat, stating, “This is a nice car.”

“Thanks,” he said, patting the dash. “I just finished fixing her up a few months ago. She was my dad’s.”

“Certainly puts my car to shame,” he gave a little laugh. “Where are we going, by the way?”

They pulled out of the parking lot and headed down the street. “It’s a little diner with a bar, Ellen’s husband Bobby owns it. I hope that’s okay, I didn’t know if laid-back or fancy was better.”

“Laid-back is better actually,” Cas replied.

When they pulled into the diner parking lot, Dean locked up the Impala and waited for Cas to follow him inside. They chose a booth tucked in the corner by a window looking out to the street. A man came over with menus and greeted Dean.

“Hey, Dean. How’s it going?”

“Hey Samandriel, it’s going pretty well. This is Castiel,” he introduced.

Samandriel nodded and smiled politely. “Nice to meet you, Castiel.”

“Likewise,” he dipped his head.

“What’ll it be for drinks?”

“Whatever is on tap is fine,” Cas said.

“Water’s good,” said Dean. Cas was kicking himself.  _ He’s an alcoholic and you order  _ beer _? Water would have been fine…  _ He had honestly been thinking of calming his own nerves. As silly as it sounded, it hadn’t really occurred to him he’d have to  _ eat  _ something on this date. In reality, the more anxious he was, the less he could stomach food. He hoped it wouldn’t become an issue.

“So when did you move here, Cas?” asked Dean, glancing at the menu. It was obvious he’d been here before, and he seemed already to know what he wanted to order.

“About a year and a half ago,” he said, scanning the menu for salads. “In December.”

“You live in a city before?”

Castiel shook his head. “I lived on the outskirts of a city back east.”

“East? Huh, what made you wanna move out here?”

_ Oh it was spontaneous, really,  _ he thought sarcastically _. I graduated from university and had a severe mental breakdown. Spent months in a psych ward and decided to get as far away from everything as I possibly could.  _ “I… needed a change of scenery.”

Dean nodded. “I can understand that. But then, I’ve lived here most of my life.”

“It’s nice here,” Cas stated. “I really like the city.”

Just then, Samandriel came back to take their orders. Dean said he would have a cheeseburger, Cas took the chicken salad.

“Not a big eater?” Dean asked casually.

Cas shook his head. “No, not really. But I have an anxiety disorder and I can’t eat when I’m anxious.” The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them.  _ Castiel that is NOT something you tell someone on a first date!!!  _ he berated himself. He could feel the heat rising up the back of his neck as he clenched his jaw.  _ Now he’s going to leave. You’ve ruined everything. _

But instead of leaving, Dean simply said, “Are you anxious now? I’m sorry, is there anything I can do to help?”

“I--I’m sorry,” Cas stuttered. “I shouldn’t have said that, I just--”

“No, no it’s fine, Cas. It’s a good thing to know, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

Castiel avoided his gaze. “Thank you, Dean. I appreciate that. But really, I’ll be fine. I’m just embarrassed, I never just come out and say those kinds of things.”

“Hey,” Dean said, his eyes meeting Castiel’s. God, they were so  _ green _ . “You don’t need to be embarrassed, I’m not one to judge.”

The sincerity of the look in his eyes made Cas blush a little. “Okay,” he nodded.

“Plus,” Dean said, leaning back in the booth, “I’m a recovered alcoholic. We’ve all got our demons. No shame in being human.”

“No shame in being human,” Castiel repeated contemplatively. The phrase comforted him somehow. Like he wasn’t abnormal or strange for being mentally ill.

“That’s right,” said Dean. “Now what’d you do before you came out here?”

Samandriel arrived just then with their food and, to Cas’ relief, he felt okay enough to eat. “I went to university studying entomology and linguistics,” he said, beginning to eat his salad.

“That’s an interesting combination,” Dean commented. “What do you like about bugs?”

“Bees in particular. I studied colony collapse disorder. I’ve always wanted to have an apiary.”

Dean smiled. “It would be pretty perfect to have an apiary here. I’d love to have a rooftop garden and start growing my own flowers for the shop.”

“That would be nice.” Cas took a sip of his water before adding, “What about you? You said you grew up here?”

Dean nodded. “Yeah, I grew up not far from here. I lived with my little brother, Sammy, and my parents. My mom passed away when we were really young, I don’t really remember her. But my dad kind of went a little crazy after that. He got really into his work and constantly went away on business trips. It’s a good thing he was friends with Ellen and Bobby, they watched us whenever he was gone for multiple weeks. But other than that, it was just me and Sam. I took care of him, you know? Made sure he was alright. Not much of a childhood I guess.” He trailed off. There was a brief pause where Castiel wasn’t sure if Dean was going to continue. But he just blushed, apparently feeling a little flustered. “I’m sorry, man talk about oversharing huh? Jeez, I didn’t mean to spew all that.”

Cas shook his head gently. “It’s alright, Dean. I didn’t, as you say, have ‘much of a childhood’ either.”

“Well, we’re good now aren’t we? Life hasn’t turned out too bad.”

_ Yeah except that the experiences chewed me up, spat me out, and left me to deal with the PTSD of it all _ . “For the most part, that’s true.” They sat in a comfortable silence, finishing their food before Cas said, “Did you go to university?”

Dean nodded, finishing off his burger. “Yeah, after I graduated high school I worked and went to the university here in the city so I could stay with Sam. I studied horticulture. Then when I graduated Ellen and Bobby helped me start the flower shop. Things were real slow at first but I’ve been really successful the last couple years. I even started catering to people’s weddings. It surprised me how many people were into the whole ‘flower language’.”

“By the way, how’d you come across that?” asked Cas. “It’s quite clever. And pretty charming.”

Dean winked at Cas, causing him to blush. “I was reading a book for one of my classes and it mentioned the use of flowers as a form of communication in the Victorian era. I really liked it, so I found the book that was referenced and I started memorising the different meanings. I’ve never actually used it before though. I used to give people shit for it at university. But I guess it works pretty well.”

“I get the sense you’re not as macho as you like to pretend.”

“Ooh, ouch man,” Dean laughed. That laugh sent goosebumps up Castiel’s arms, making his heart flutter.

“You are quite charming, Dean.”

“You think so? You’re pretty charming yourself, Cas.”

Samandriel came to take their plates and left the checks on the table. Castiel reached for his wallet.

“No, no,” Dean said “This one’s on me.”

“But--”

“Hey, I asked  _ you  _ out. It’s all good. I’ve really enjoyed talking with you.”

Castiel smiled. “Alright. I’ve enjoyed talking with you as well.”

After he’d paid Dean turned to Cas and said, “Can I give you a ride home? Or to Harvelle’s? I think they’re closed now though.”

Cas thought for a moment. “If you could drop me off at my building that would be great.”  _ Are you sure?  _ He questioned himself.  _ You’ve only just met him… Yes, but I have a really good feeling about him. Oh now we’re judging people based off of  _ feelings  _ you have about them? That’s safe. Stop it, stop it, please just let this night end well. _

“Okay, let’s go then.”

He followed Dean out to the car and sat beside him in the passenger’s seat. After directing him to the building, Dean parked the car out front beneath one of the streetlamps.

“This was very nice, Dean,” Castiel said genuinely.

“Yeah, it was. Would you maybe wanna go out again next week?”

He smiled. “Yes, I would like that very much.”  _ Don’t come on too strong… _

“Awesome,” his smile mirrored Cas’.

For a moment, Cas panicked slightly, remembering that it is often customary to kiss after a date. He turned to Dean and said quickly, “Uhm, I know it’s customary to kiss after a date but I was hoping we didn’t have to do that, I’m weird about personal space…”

“It’s no problem, man,” he chuckled a little. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. You thinking same time next week?”

Relieved, Castiel replied, “Would Friday be okay? After I get off work at the coffeeshop?”

“Sounds perfect. How about I give you my number.”

Cas removed his phone from his pocket and handed it to Dean, allowing add himself to the contact list.

“Thank you, Dean. I’ll see you next week then.”

“See you next week.” He waved as Cas entered the building.

Upon entering his apartment, Castiel couldn’t keep the grin from his face any longer. He was so happy, so content. And actually  _ proud  _ of himself for this night. Sure, like so many other things, it was a small accomplishment. But it was a start. And he even had a  _ second  _ date. With a man who already seemed so understanding and so wonderful. He didn’t care if this was just some honeymoon phase, he didn’t care that Dean had his demons because, well, so did he. Right this moment he just let himself feel a joy he had not felt in a very long time.


End file.
